I'm Back

Two years of residency, almost concluded.

Life has been turned on its head again. All this time, my two loves - writing and music have lain dormant under layers and layers of self-flagellation, doubt and pre-occupation with the millions of things that run through your mind when you forget what's important to you. 

Over the past two years I've felt intensely lonely while also falling in love with the man I will spend the rest of my life with. (I don't know if he knows this blog exists actually). Growth happens when you feel you're stagnant and not going anywhere - I've been told. Hopefully that's what has been happening during my two year hiatus. 

To tell you the truth - I cheated on this blog. I was seduced by the idea of a fresh start and of anonymity. I opened a Tumblr account - in which the entries seemed forced at best. I don't think I posted more than 3 times. 

A lot has happened - as is generally the case with the passage of time. Loss. Love. Learning. But I think the muses may be stirring again - rising out of a deep deep slumber. 

Let's see, where this journey takes us. The adventure continues. 

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Here are random musings: 

Cancer

From the point of view of the medical professional, cancer fits neatly into IV stages – each stage increasing the challenge of management and bringing your patient closer to facing death.

From the point of view of a human being – every case of cancer is a case of a life stolen by an aberration.  By something that cropped up surreptitiously, as if it knew that once its presence was known everyone around it would arm themselves against its very existence. Something that, despite the strict controls we place on every aspect of our lives, somehow slipped through and made it’s own plans.

The thing about cancer is, it slowly begins to take over. Any disease, really. At what point do you stop being a man and at what point are you defined by your disease? How divorced really, is the experience of sickness and the experience of identity? Can you separate the two and still have a firm basis in reality? Can you merge the two without losing yourself? What is the best way to treat a person with a disease – you don’t want to patronize, you don’t want to give undue hope.

Reminds me of Sheryl Sandberg’s recent post about her husband and people who tried to comfort her. 

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More later.