Its Pretty Simple

I'm done being a tool

Inspired By the Department of Community Medicine

Ok – let’s get straight to the point.

What the (insert obscenity of choice here) is the point of “record” books?

If you are studying MBBS, especially in India – you’ll know the custom I speak of. I can only hope that it’s a quirk of the educational system that’s indigenous to this wonderful nation – because if it’s not my faith in humanity’s ability to evolve will be reduced to dust. Well, not quite, but you know.

I have tried to search for a reason – and all I could come up with was that perhaps they – whoever those *%#^# were - believed in the whole “neatness, organization and learning by repetition thing.”

Yes, They, that makes total sense. Men and women who are 2 years away from holding people’s lives in their hands really need to write information in a blank book – that is already present in another book in order to get anything through their thick skulls. It’s completely logical, really. After all, what are we but the descendents of apes – our cognitive process really couldn’t deal with something like say – LEARNING!

And so, sadly, after many hours of intense contemplation, I must conclude that record books, like most other things in this world, really have no logical basis. They exist simply to make the time you spend on this planet feel a little more useless.

But what do I care – after all, don’t I believe in the benign indifference of the world?

Still….Grrr…..Waiting.

Ruminations

Its the 10th of October 2008 and this blog has been around for some time now.

I've been reflecting intensely on things for one year and seven months - and that, really hasn't changed my life too much. Perhaps its time to change tactics. The answer isn't really in asking the questions - which I've really become quite good at over the past 2 and a half years - and not even in looking for or finding the answers - but letting life answer its own questions. If that sounds like a vague, philosophical excuse for actually participating in life - thats exactly what its not. I suppose I actually have to start engaging - experiment to find the answer to the hypothesis and all that.

Maybe this blog needs a purpose now - its just been floating about in cyberspace, all alone. I think it needs to be rooted now.

Something will present itself, I am sure.

All The Things You Ever Didn't Want to Know About Me and Much Much More (Etc)

50 Random Questions

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?

In IIT Madras at Coffee Day

2. Who are you in love with?

Take your pick

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?

No i can't claim to have done that. When I brought my crayons to India in the 2nd grade they all melted bc i left my backpack out in the sun...a big congealed mass of color. It would have been quite attractive if I wasn't so upset.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

I am currently color blind - my eyes refuse to open beyond just the monitor

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?

Hmm...about 2.5 months ago. City Centre - didn't even have a Shawarma - which as everyone knows is the point of city center..

6. Are you wearing socks right now?

Yes and ear muffs and gloves without fingers...Chennai Fools! Although that doesnt stop some people :)

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?

what...why?...no

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?

which town? I don't know.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

No i have not

10. Are you hot?

Once again...to clarify - i live in Chennai people! So i think the answer to that is obvious.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Lumpy mango juice

12. What are you wearing right now?

Jeans and a kurti

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?

The rain washes my imaginary car

14. Last food that you ate?

Dairy Milk Wowie?

15. Where were you last week at this time?

Passed out in my bed in hostel - where i usually am

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

Nope - though i did go shopping today coz i got bored of walking and needed a break from the heat

17. When is the last time you ran?

Today - to cross the road. The 5 meter dasH! Yeah!

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?

Boy's soccer game at Sports Culturals

19. What is your favorite animal?

Kangaroos I think. I like the way they bounce...Shit are there FIFTY questions?

20. Your dream vacation?

O god - this list would go on forever. Somewhere, with lots of nature, and culture, and adventure and beauty and FOOD!

21. Last person's house you were in?

Saumyaaaaaaaa

22. Worst injury you've ever had?

Broke my ankle playing B'ball

23. Have you been in love?

Hmmm....not yet

24. Do you miss anyone right now?

Considering i am sitting here answering random questions about myself I clearly miss a lot of people last now

25. Last play you saw?

Don't Drink the Water - Woody Allen - by Malya Aditi International School

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

Ataxia and DID

27. What are your plans for tonight?

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?

Shivam - and blogspot

29. Next trip you are going to take?

Baangaluurruuuu

30. Ever go to camp?

yup yup yup yup yup yup YUP

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?

Hell yea! Thats about all I was - but yup.

32. What do you want to know about the future?

If I...no too involved

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

what? no...why would i be wearing perfume for this?

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?

Sure why not

35. Where is your best friend?

Around

36. How is your best friend?

Good - bored perhaps

37. Do you have a tan?

Yup. well kinda a negative tan - do tan lines count?

38. What are you listening to right now?

The Fan

39. Do you collect anything?

Regrets and Dreams

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?

Facebook

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

I dno

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?

Yes...what kindva stupid question is that?

43. What does your last text message say?

Lol any luck trying to sleep now?

44. Do you like hot sauce?

Yes...No...Maybe...TIRAMASU!

45. Last time you took a shower?

Morning.

46. Do you need to do laundry?

For once - no

47. What is your heritage?

Look at the damn picture

48. Are you someone's best friend?

Yes I am

49. Are you rich?

I have access to the internet - so YES!

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?

Talking

Best Credit Repair

Top Ten MySpace Quizzes and Surveys

Culturals 2008

Sometimes, the things that you least expect to leave an impression really do. Take Colossus 2008 - our college culturals for example. What started with pointless interminable class meetings, turned into an amazing event, with more vitality than i have ever seen or ever expected to see on our campus.

Granted, the whole Colossus theme was a little zany and irrelevant, but hey - take a look at this picture - need I say more?

Over a period of 3 days - I spoke to more people in my class than I have in the last 3 years. Danced, sang, ate, presented an anatomy paper, slept and even attended postings! Talk about living life in the present.

Speaking of which, its time to conclude my tribute before my writing further deteriorates and move on!

To an absolutely unrivaled culturals!

Absum

InSoMnIa

Sleep! For some reason I seem to think that the longer I stay awake on a sunday the later Monday will come.

If only!

I saw a movie today. The Fall starring Lee Pace. I loved it. You should watch it.

The little girl who plays Alexandria steals the show - and thats saying a lot considering that Lee Pace, a seriously beautiful man, stars alongside.

This film was shot in 18 locations around the world! Its reminiscent of Pan's Labrynth but much less dark in its tone. Watch the movie if not for Lee Pace and "Alexandria" (well actually for most normal people that reason would be secondary), for the spectacular scenes and at times really nice cinematography. Just to give you a hint of the types of locations that this movie was shot in - here are the ones I recognized from visiting there. Agra, Delhi, Bali, Prague, Great Wall. But I also recongnized the pyramids, Jaipur, Udaipur, Gwalior?....absolutely incredible showcasing of India's Mughal grandeur.

Check it out!

PS - Lee Pace is also the star of the sitcom Pushing Daisies. If you haven't already seen that - DO IT NOW! If you found that bizarre - you'll find this deliciously so. Hehe.

You Fill in the Blank (Must I do Everything?)

I know its been a long time since I have updated....thats actually it.

Its not that I don't have anything to say - I guess I'm just not a compulsive typer anymore?

Egad!

Haha

I don't know.

Alright, I'm out.

*****

And the Sarah Palin bullshit!

All I can ask is that - are people BLIND? We have someone running for President of the United States of America at a time when our (and I use that term loosely) image as a nation has all but been destroyed by the short-sightedness and ignorance of certain Americans. And they pick this woman to run for VP! Its a dishonor to the American people. People should be ashamed to let this lady run for president.

And if her nomination was a bid to entice the Clinton supporters to the dark side - any true supporter of Hillary Clinton could see that this woman is nowhere near the calibre of Hillary Clinton. Yea people said she was too "politcal". But for those of you who were born yesterday - you kinda have to political in well....POLITICS!

AaaaaH! How can people be so damn stupid??????

I swear to God, if the damn pachyderms win this election I will wear black for a certain period of time (until supplies run out at least) and will even seriously reconsider moving back to the US of A.

Everyone Has An Alter Ego

Besides being a pretty awesome mother look what else she does in her free time.

By the way if you haven't already heard of it - Janaagraha - check it out

Empowering children for active citizenship Rama Errabelli I was standing in a queue at a pharmacy, when a man cut the line, and walked confidently up to the counter, stuck his hand out, expecting the pharmacist to fill his prescription. I was standing in a queue at a pharmacy, when a man cut the line, and walked confidently up to the counter, stuck his hand out, expecting the pharmacist to fill his prescription. A foreigner, waiting patiently in line for his turn, called out: “excuse me, sir, there’s a line here!” To this, my fellow citizen turned around and said: “what line? No line in India, only line in America!” And turned back to the counter. Extremely embarrassed and offended at the man’s response, I walked up to the counter and requested the pharmacist not to attend to him unless he joined the line. The pharmacist firmly requested him to join the line. But when the man pressed on, insisting that “there are no rules in India”, the pharmacist gave up and filled his prescription. Several situations like this have arisen before, but this time the incident really annoyed me. Initially I was concerned about the man’s irresponsible response. But as days passed, and I recounted the incident to my family and friends, two things began to bother me. The first was the pharmacist’s “let us get this over with and move on” attitude, and the second — no one else in the line objected to the man’s disregard for the people waiting their turn. I was, and continue to be, deeply concerned by this attitude. What makes us so numb that we do not even respond? Is it the “I cannot change him, why should I bother?” attitude or is it “what is the big deal?” Swalpa adjust madi or just “let someone else take care”. I believe it is deep-rooted apathy. How do we teach our children and ourselves that being silent spectators will not solve our problems? How do we confront this apathy and engage as “active citizens” of our society? How do we develop a deep sense of belonging to address the challenges that face us? How do we inculcate respect for our fellow citizens, respect for the society, the nation? The answer is quite clear. We need to teach our children social and moral responsibility, the idea of citizenship, from an early age. Children have to be empowered with knowledge, skills and values that will guide them into being active citizens. To strengthen the values taught by parents, schools too must teach children — honesty, integrity, fair play, service and respect for fellow citizens. Schools can also play a crucial role in nurturing active citizens by focusing on building skills in children. Skills that will make them confident to effect change. Skills to think analytically, communicate effectively, solve problems and make decisions. Finally, schools play a key role in empowering children with knowledge, and motivating them to actively engage in the concerns of the society. Children need to be taught their rights and responsibilities, and to understand how the various public institutions like the government functions. Schools can build awareness and sensitise children to important civic issues in their communities, and encourage them to explore solutions to those issues. One cannot lecture to children on the idea of citizenship. Citizenship values, skills and knowledge can be cultivated only through practice. Classrooms are a perfect place for this learning to take place. Over the past five years, Janaagraha successfully introduced Bala Janaagraha, a practical citizenship education programme for children, to nearly 15,000 children in schools across Bangalore. Through interactive classes and project work children are empowered with the knowledge, skills and values necessary to shoulder the responsibility of citizenship. If we “sow the seeds of citizenship” in our children today, then, it won’t be long before there is a scenario where if a person breaks the queue, every one in the line will protest, the counter in-charge will insist that he will not be served unless he joins the line, and the man understanding what he has done, will graciously move to the end of the line. (The writer is Coordinator, Bala Janaagraha, Janaagraha)

1:05 AM and the end of the Summer

A few thoughts

• After a whole month of observing lab mice pretty closely - I think my picture looks quite mousy - or perhaps I just spent too much room in the "mouse room" today.
  
• I am going to miss what I've been doing here the past month - despite the number of hours I spent brooding about wasting my time - I actually did enjoy it and learned a lot. And now its over and back to the same. Damn.
  
• Even Atha's house here at Houston - going to miss that too.
  
• So other than for a couple of days of speed meet and greets in NJ and Philli (no NY unfortunately - makes me so sad) its back to India
• A few hours in Bangalore
• And then back to well, I may as well say it, home - Chennai.
  
• The thought of travelling excites me but not lugging those huge suitcases around - ugh
  
• Check out the You Tube Obama Pound - more importantly the comments below it - now if you're a US Citizen of voting age and don't vote in this election - sorry but you're missing something to tell your grandkids.
  
• Too tired to make this prettier or follow the recommendations on Seth something's blog on how to get more traffic to your blog.
  

I Can Attest to This

"For being a foreigner...is a sort of lifelong pregnancy--a perpetual wait, a constant burden, a continuous feeling out of sorts. It is an ongoing responsibility, a parenthesis in what had once been an ordinary life, only to discover that that previous life has vanished, replaced by something more complicated and demanding. Like pregnancy, being a foreigner...is something that elicits the same curiosity from strangers, the same combination of pity and respect."

- Jhumpa Lahiri, The Namesake

My Conclusions:

Without going into a self psychoanalysis that would be way too involved for me to feel comfortable sharing with the general public:

I think I am going to absolutely hate being pregnant.

I've hated being a foreigner everywhere I go. Switching between India and the US every 5 or so years hasn't been good for me - apparently I'm a person who prefers calm, peace and serenity.

Is there anywhere where national identity doesn't matter? Perhaps I should just go and live in Auroville.

Theres a big conclusion I can draw from this summer - and I know now exactly what it is that has to be done - but I'd really prefer not to.

Great - things just got so much more complicated now that I see the solution at hand.

:)

NASA and Elections

Any normal person has at one time in their life been obsessed with space and, especially if you've lived in the US of A - NASA .

If watching Apollo 13 was a momentous event in your life and you wanted to be an astronaut at some point - then I'd bet you begged your parents to send you to space camp as well.

And if you're like most families - you wouldn't have ever made it to the space camp.

Well, I never made it to space camp - not yet :) . But I did make it to the Johnson Space Center today. It was - for lack of a better phrase - pretty damn cool. I made the trip solo but it was still fun. I got to see a bunch of things including the historic mission control room. :)

And I bought a poster of the Earth - the one taken on Apollo 17 (the last manned mission to the moon) and if I'm correct was the picture featured on Al Gore's 'An Inconvenient Truth.' The most widely printed photograph in history or something if I'm right.

So I am happy.

*****

Also all the US citizens out there that read this - please please please please please and once again PLEASE exercise your right to vote in the upcoming elections. (If you're a Rebuplican perhaps you'd prefer a nice night out on the town instead ;) just kidding) If you live in Chennai or abroad and need any information about how to vote via absentee ballot, here it is. Also if you have any questions, contact me and I'll answer them as best as I can.

Even if you think that the future of the country is going to the dogs, or all of the candidates are trash - vote for the best of the trash. Even if you 'don't do politics' please vote - or you won't be doing a lot of things if the wrong candidate gets voted in. And believe me there are some very wrong candidates out there.

If you're not voting - move to North Korea or something. Its your responsibility to voice your opinion.

And if you still think this is crap.

Vote for me - it'll make me happy.

Believe me random acts of kindness are good for your karma.

Phantom

One of these days I'm going to do a nice long post on why I and millions of others absolutely love this play

I'm Afraid of Obscure Things

I know its not just me - remember the The Teddy Bear's Picnic - that song, rhyme, poem or cult chant that for some reason our preschool teachers insisted on singing joyously to us, ignoring the seriously twisted undertones.

(If you have no idea what I'm talking about check out this particularly bizarre version - sung by 4 of the most famous people in US History)

Now I'm not hear to do a detailed analysis on what this strange little warble was actually intended for. Or on the sinister undertones of nursery rhyme on a whole (indicative of our warped culture of instilling fear in children at an early age. Apparently.) Its up to you to think that out. Or not.

But anyway, I am just hear to say that this scares the BEJESUS (yes the bejesus) out of me. And this is one of the few nursery rhymes that I remember being scared of even as child.

It was mentioned in an article I was just reading - and the only thing I could remember about it was "There was something really creepy about that poem."

Anyway for your reading pleasure - here it is.

Teddy Bear Picnic

If you go down to the woods today

You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For ev'ry bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Ev'ry teddy bear who's been good
Is sure of a treat today.
There's lots of marvelous things to eat
And wonderful games to play.

Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Cause that's the way the teddy bears have their picnic.

If you go down to the woods today
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely down in the woods today
But safer to stay at home.

For ev'ry bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Picnic time for teddy bears
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today
Watch them, catch them unawares
And see them picnic on their holiday.

See them gaily gad about
They love to play and shout;
They never have any care;

At six o'clock their mummies and daddies,
Will take them home to bed,
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

KEY Cm

Dm Am Dm A7
Dm A7 Dm
Eb Bb7 Db Bb7
Eb Bb7 Eb
Fm7 Edim Fm Bb7
Eb
Ab Eb Ab Eb Bb7 Eb

chorus:
Eb
Eb Edim Fm7 Bb7
C# Bb7 Edim Bb7
Eb Edim
Eb
Eb
Eb Ab
Ab A
Edim
G7 Fm Bb7
Eb Bb7-Eb-Bb7-Eb

Background: Jimmy Kennedy (1902-1984) from Omagh, Co. Tyrone, was a world-famous songwriter. He composed such songs as "Red Sails in the Sunset," inspired by a sunset over Portstewart strand in Co. Antrim, and "Teddy Bear's Picnic." The music was originally called the "Teddy Bear Two Step". It was written by American composer J.W. Bratton. Irishman Jimmy Kennedy later added the lyrics that have made this song famous.

My First Non Narcissistic Post

Sen. McCain’s Agents of Intolerance

The New York Times

May 24, 2008

Editorial

It took a long time for him to do it, but Senator John McCain has finally rejected the endorsements of two evangelical ministers — one whose bizarre and hate-filled sermons deeply offended both Catholics and Jews and the other who has used his pulpit to attack Muslims.

Mr. McCain had it right in his unsuccessful primary campaign eight years ago when he denounced the Christian right’s Pat Robertson and the Rev. Jerry Falwell as “agents of intolerance” who exercised an “evil influence” over the Republican Party. It was particularly disturbing to see him cynically pander this year for the support of that same Christian right.

His belated decision to distance himself from two of the most extreme ministers was long overdue — and we suspect driven more by political ambition than by the principles he espoused in the past.

Mr. McCain had sought the endorsement of the Rev. John Hagee, a televangelist, for more than a year and finally won it in February, only to have the Catholic League denounce Mr. Hagee for waging “an unrelenting war against the Catholic Church.” Mr. Hagee called it “the Great Whore,” an “apostate church,” and a “false cult system.” The pastor apologized and said his remarks had been misconstrued, a truce was declared and Mr. McCain still welcomed the endorsement.

Then a recorded sermon emerged in which Mr. Hagee suggested that Hitler and the Holocaust had been part of God’s plan to drive the Jews from Europe into Palestine — a final straw that led Mr. McCain to reject the Hagee endorsement. He also rejected the backing of the Rev. Rod Parsley whose anti-Muslim sermons have argued that America was founded, in part, to see “this false religion destroyed.”

Mr. McCain has tried to argue that his recent embrace of these two extremists was different from Barack Obama’s 20-year pastoral relationship with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. The Rev. Wright’s bigoted and paranoid rants are appalling, but that does not lessen the hatefulness of the views espoused by the Rev. Hagee or the Rev. Parsley, nor does political expediency excuse Mr. McCain’s willingness to overlook those views until they became a political liability.

_____________________________________________________________________

If the US media has not blown this issue out of proportion by now - just as they did with the Rev. Wright issue, then there is something SERIOUSLY wrong.

As stated by the author in his/her particularly wordy and weak final paragraph - why should Senator McCain be let off the hook any more than Senator Obama for committing a similar if not worse crime? All the candidates are just as accountable for their actions - unless of course discrimination against certain races/religions (in this society) is considered more offensive than other.

Senator McCain's now former allegiances demonstrate without a doubt the degree to which politics supersede his policy. But wait a minute. Isn't that what the press and the tunnel visioned conservatives of this nation continually manhandle Senator Clinton for?

This race will be interesting in that a careful analysis will reveal the whether Americans truly believe that race,creed and color have no influence on how a human being should be viewed or treated.

My Music

If this makes any sense to you at all - then you and I are on the same page.

And you can recommend music for me to listen to.

Sometimes, I'm in the mood for very calm, relaxing, beautiful music - music that you can't be in a hurry to listen to - you aren't waiting for anything or expecting anything except enjoying the moment.

But music that is appealing to me in all my moods (which are many - believe me) is music that sounds like its coming from a state of the art surround sounds speaker system even on a crappy laptop. Music that envelopes you in whatever state of mind you are. And embodies that quote from that Acid Jazz album in "O.M.U - Jazz Addiction" -- "Rhythm is both the unyielding manacle and the demonic charge that drives a song." But then again - if there is too much going on like most pop rock and hip hop - everything just sounds well...noisy. So theres that subtle balance I guess between the drive, the music and the vocals that unless perfect just kills the song. But when the ratios are perfect - theres no stopping the song.

And I'm not talking about music of one language or genre - I'm pretty open to anything at all.

Any suggestions?

argh i hate double posting but this is necessary

Please excuse the rather strange picture of me up in the lift.

I just got a new camera - which I love btw and wanted to use the B&W

And hence the picture.

Enjoy the new look.

Heady

Nothing profound here really - I really need to get out more.

Um....wow - I'm actually blanking - weird that doesn't happen too often.

Houston is so different from where I grew up i.e. Basking Ridge NJ (we'll exclude H'bad, B'lore for now). Its much more multi-racial than BR NJ. But I guess anyplace is really.

I really have nothing to say. This is the point where I should just go to sleep.

Blah.

Very.

Blah.

Damnit - theres a solution

So I realized that I should stop thinking so much and doing more.

You know the whole "live life stop analyzing it"

And other assorted quotes see fb profile.

Which is why - today - I'm happier.

Lost and Found 2

If you're looking for something you didn't lose - it means one of two things:

• You never had it to begin with OR
  
• You had it all along
  

So where does that put you in your everyday life? In a purgatory of small talk, analysis, duty and routine?

If it could be decided one way or the other - heaven or hell - black or white - good or bad - the chicken or the egg - then it wouldn't even be life would it?

The medieval knights went on quests - but they were seeking some discrete, identifiable object/dragon/DID - so was it what they learned on the way or the purpose of the quest that them? They went down as epic heroes - insert anachronism here - but Odysseus knew what he was looking for - home and Penelope. And when he got there - that hadn't changed - despite Circe and Dido and the suitors and who knows who else. I'm not interested in how they went down in history - which of course is the purpose of literature of that era - the glorification of one man's deeds - exalting him to a pedestal for society - a HERO. I'm not interested in heroics towards society - I want to know more about these men's heroics to themselves. If that makes sense to you at all (read in an Ayn Rand y kinda way). What drove them?

But I suppose its connected - for all of us (me especially) wavering, wayward, wandering, wondering fools - the HERO's singlmindedness, his pureness of purpose is whats - well - is heroic about him.

Be it Odysseus, King Arthur?, Batman, Superman, Spiderman - they know what they fucking want.

Unlike me.

So I guess my conclusion NOW is (and however disjointed this may seem it somehow works for me):

I never lost it or found it - I never had it or didn't - I'm Still Waiting for something that doesn't exist (under the damn leafless tree - with Vladimir and Estragon) and wandering, lost, in my own paralysis.

For A Friend

I wrote this for a friend of mine who was suffering from insomnia - one of those times when I get a little carried away - so here are certain parts for any of you out there that actually read this

My theory:

You are just suffering from the stresses, anxieties and worries that start to hit everyone (fortunate enough to have enough food in their stomach to worry) - depending on you maturity level - somewhere in adulthood. You may not even realize it and may even be in denial (i hope not) but you definitely worry/contemplate about things a lot more now than when you were a kid. Hence the difficulty falling asleep. You have to be at peace with yourself to fall asleep not agitated at all.

For example, here r some of the things that stop a lot of ppl I know from sleeping at night:

1) Life is looming large and you suddenly feel like this tiny bug totally unequal to the challenge

a. When we were kids/in high school things were easy right - just get into college - thats it - one clear cut goal to focus on - we knew what we wanted. You go to sleep at night knowing what your immediate future and your distant future holds for you (college). Plus, our parents were there to help us/make for us any other big decisions - not too much soul searching involved there. And however much we may have wished to be independent and self-reliant we and I at least often underestimate the enormous strength of character that it takes. Its easy to feel overwhelmed.

b. Now our parents [gasp] have moved on in life - they have interests other than us (What Now!?!) and we're left treading water in the middle of what always looked like a gorgeous blue ocean. Its fun initially, but then we realize that we can't tread water forever - college isn't real life - we've got to strike out for shore and actually becoming real live PERSONS! And thats where the paralysis - at least for me - begins.

c. So theres island # 1 - everything all strung out - motorboat to pick you up, nice house, family, everything all set up for you by your parents - immediate safety net - nothing to worry about if you go there. (But going there and getting to that island will have nothing to do with YOU. Nothing on that island is a reflection of you the person - obviously don't knw who that is yet - but that shady shadow of a reflection in the mirror that for some insane reason we all aspire to be)

d. Island # 2 - dark and covered in mist - the only thing you can see - soaring out of the top of the clouds is a beautiful lush green peak reaching toward the sky. But the water on the way there - you don't even know the conditions. Why, there may be knife sharp coral, or waves slamming against rocks - but theres that peak!

e. The rest of the ocean - these are obviously not the only two oceans in the island - there may be many more out there - why should i commit now to these two? But damn, if I have to keep swimming and treading water - not sure how long I can last out on my own.

So you're just there treading water along with all the rest of your peers (other than the few that already have everything figured out - those annoying, pseudo-inspirational and *shudder* exemplary people who you hate/love). Paralyzed about where to go.

So yea, I think I've made my point in incredible detail - YOU HAVE MORE TO WORRY ABOUT NOW THAN WHEN YOU WERE A KID.

[Also this entire thing may not even apply to you - there are some personality types that are fine with just drifting along in the open seas for better or for worse taking whatever life throws at em - I'm not really one of them as much as I wish I could be]

2) So many things to do - I don't even know where to start

3) Etc.

So these are all pretty ubiquitous problems - and they're nt going to go away so your GOAL is not letting them interfere with your sleep. To learn to live with these issues - and not let them overtake who you are and what you do.

God or Godot or Whoever gave us a blessed us with a required 8 hr home free/time off/guilt free ticket. Use it for gods sake! Hehe.

So yea - you don't need a shrink - u just need to get in touch with yourself and listen to Three Little Birds by Bob Marley and not give a fuck that you give a fuck. [Now don't have a seizure - yes i wrote the "F" word . But I am 20 so HA! I'm allowed. Also I'm feeling very wise right now] Who has time to latently worry about being worried. Or even latently worry about being latently worried.

I think life is a success if you can feel as happy and content as when you are drunk/high every second of the day.

Life should be its own stimulant you know.

Follow the suggestions at sleep hygiene article on wikipedia that should help.

If u r really motivated meditate/do yoga/play sports/find something that works for you

PS

Sorry if I bored you with my motivational speech and if it was entirely irrelevant - but if you had as much fun reading it (and chuckling at the insane corniness of my floating around in the ocean bit - which btw is inspired now that i think about it by the movie Joe and the VOlcano with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan - you should watch it) as I had writing it - then my time was not wasted.

Still Amazed at my uber-corniness

-Still Waiting

:)

I think I'm in love....

With Finian Greenhall aka Fink

http://www.myspace.com/finkmusic

About Time

Ok its about time for a new post.

• So I'm finally back in the US of A after 4.82 years of semi-pining away. Well not really, but in a way.
• I can finally cross off Bagels from my 'Lust' post a while ago - coz I had one this morning! yea!
• I went to a museum yesterday, my neck now hurts from looking up at giant splashes of paint that vaguely resembled skeletons with halos, ravens, pigs with plague masks and other macabre randomness aka John Alexander. Don't ask me about art.
  
• Art really should be spontaneous and instinctual I think. Not forced. But I suppose artists or appreciators of 'true' art have different instincts than most of us. Or they're just really good con men.
  
• But I did have fun :)
• Other than food my mind isnt on much else - I had a lot to say a while ago - but not anymore.
• Oh well.
  
• I'm out.
  

OMFG What Have I Done!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont function well when I am about to get sick.

Why the hell do we get only 1 month off!

This BLOWs.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Geez, What are you ON?

Yesterday

Nothing profound to say here. And sometimes that really makes for interesting reading.

To sum yesterday up

• Moonrakers!!!! Easilly THE best restaurant I've ever been to in India. Ambience = Bali ish. And from me you can't receive any higher compliment.
• The Great Escape - after being discovered as day trippers and not actual residents of Temple Bay we got shunted out. But to our credit, left cracking up about what cheapos we were.
• BEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAACHHHHHHH - enough said. Put me on a beach and i'll have a smile on my face.
• Ascendas - took the guided tour of KFC

Apta

Lost and Found

Once upon a time in land far away (but actually closer than you'd imagine) lived a girl, young woman perhaps, who bemoaned the fact that her emotions,convictions and passions were never strong enough to last more than a good nights rest. She'd bounce back to her seemingly cursed joviality and be happy again. Yesterday's anger lost somewhere between dreaming and awakening. Never intense enough to pull together.

She yearned for an emotion that was permanent and didnt wax and wane with the moon. What would that emotion be? Love, perhaps. Yes that had to be it - all girls in fairy tales were carried off by Princes to live happilly ever after in gilded....palaces.

So she went on, waiting and hoping to feel anything for longer than those beautiful intense moments - long enough for some action to propel her mediocre life. It seemed so simple - just a permanent emotion - a driving force, anything at all. To lose herself in her actions and not empty, banal thoughts - veritable castles in the air.

All fairy tales are fulfilled.

She did lose.

But not herself.

And not to action.

One afternoon, after a day of hoping and wishing, dreaming and yearning she found that she did lose. Someone.

And in a rush of disbelief, the love that she'd been waiting for - the driving force, the winds of the hurricane - careened toward her from where they'd been all along.

The young woman got up from her seat, walked out the door, and into a new life.

Expression

I think I have lost the ability to express myself to anybody other than me myself and I.

These days there is a considerable gap between what I actually say and what I intend to.

But thats always been the problem with me, bringing to life ideas that seem to plague me.

Does anyone read this blog? Or is it just another place where I think aloud?

If you are out there, give me a shout.