O crap. 26 or so days. I don't know exactly because I'm too scared to count. I'm going home tommorow. What the hell am I doing?
And whats even more awesome is that I really don't give a damn anymore. All I want to be is gone from this place forever.
6.11.07
1.10.07
Music makes you Lose Control
I am loving this weekend
Currently rediscovering the genius of John Mayer........
:)
Otherwise, some things that I've been thinking:
1. All you really need to be happy is to do exactly what you want - like Camus said "What is happiness but the simple harmony between man and his life" - and I'm just going to continue rambling because its almost 2 am and there is no one in my hallway to come knock on my door and say "lets watch another horrible movie for the sake of saving ourselves from boredom" so I can keep rambling endlessly because theres no one to stop me! I love it. Of course, its good to see people once in a while - i don't want to turn into a total hermit, but I think thats the general idea.
2. So why do you really need other people? I mean, other than my family and a few close friends the only purpose everyone else serves is - god I don't even know. Well anyway, its easier this way. Simplification is the key to everything.
3. I've never been lonely or homesick when I'm literally all alone. Case in point (or whatever the phrase is): I'm sitting here, its 2 AM - Supriya, the only other person in my hall is fast asleep - the rest of the girls are all at home. I'm not at home in Bangalore, but somehow I'm still pretty satisfied. There are days when I've got 5 people in my room and I can't shake the feeling of being completely alone in the world. Irony? Undeniably. Hmm....must think about this. Shit! Am I a misanthrope?
4. Why do I insist on scattering big words when I write - they look so out of place, especially since the rest of my writing isnt exactly pulitzer material. Maybe I'm trying to make up for my lack of writing skills by my SAT word primed vocabulary.
5. I'm sleepy
6. I have to lug the guitar and amp back to my room. Ugh...I wish I could just leave it here.
7. I wonder what Rose is doing?
8. I should sleep - I'm craving bagels again - its like the never ending crave....for FOUR YEARS....
9. Butter chicken today was soooo good
10. Tomorrow I need to study.
Ok thats all.
For more of my randomness - and if you know me at all you'll know i'm just being myself - stay tuned.
Arrivederci etc
Currently rediscovering the genius of John Mayer........
:)
Otherwise, some things that I've been thinking:
1. All you really need to be happy is to do exactly what you want - like Camus said "What is happiness but the simple harmony between man and his life" - and I'm just going to continue rambling because its almost 2 am and there is no one in my hallway to come knock on my door and say "lets watch another horrible movie for the sake of saving ourselves from boredom" so I can keep rambling endlessly because theres no one to stop me! I love it. Of course, its good to see people once in a while - i don't want to turn into a total hermit, but I think thats the general idea.
2. So why do you really need other people? I mean, other than my family and a few close friends the only purpose everyone else serves is - god I don't even know. Well anyway, its easier this way. Simplification is the key to everything.
3. I've never been lonely or homesick when I'm literally all alone. Case in point (or whatever the phrase is): I'm sitting here, its 2 AM - Supriya, the only other person in my hall is fast asleep - the rest of the girls are all at home. I'm not at home in Bangalore, but somehow I'm still pretty satisfied. There are days when I've got 5 people in my room and I can't shake the feeling of being completely alone in the world. Irony? Undeniably. Hmm....must think about this. Shit! Am I a misanthrope?
4. Why do I insist on scattering big words when I write - they look so out of place, especially since the rest of my writing isnt exactly pulitzer material. Maybe I'm trying to make up for my lack of writing skills by my SAT word primed vocabulary.
5. I'm sleepy
6. I have to lug the guitar and amp back to my room. Ugh...I wish I could just leave it here.
7. I wonder what Rose is doing?
8. I should sleep - I'm craving bagels again - its like the never ending crave....for FOUR YEARS....
9. Butter chicken today was soooo good
10. Tomorrow I need to study.
Ok thats all.
For more of my randomness - and if you know me at all you'll know i'm just being myself - stay tuned.
Arrivederci etc
29.9.07
Hmmmmm.........
So I'm stuck in hostel for the next 4 days - could be worse. Luckilly, I have so much work to do that hopefully I won't notice the time go by. Chances are that I will though.
I've been bitten by the travel bug - infected chronically is more like it. I would give anything for universities to be over and be off somewhere away from the city and the grime and the busy days and nights. So my list - because if you've been reading my blog you'd know I'm a sucker for lists - of places to go before I finish med school...
1) Pondicherry - went with family but with friends is a whole different experience
2) Kodaikanal
3) Kanchipuram
4) Kalleda
5) Mahabaleshwar
6) Up north somewhere - Kullumanali or something
7) etc etc
Of course there are the fantasy vacations i.e. Santorini but I'm afraid those would have to remain a fantasy for quite some time.
I've been bitten by the travel bug - infected chronically is more like it. I would give anything for universities to be over and be off somewhere away from the city and the grime and the busy days and nights. So my list - because if you've been reading my blog you'd know I'm a sucker for lists - of places to go before I finish med school...
1) Pondicherry - went with family but with friends is a whole different experience
2) Kodaikanal
3) Kanchipuram
4) Kalleda
5) Mahabaleshwar
6) Up north somewhere - Kullumanali or something
7) etc etc
Of course there are the fantasy vacations i.e. Santorini but I'm afraid those would have to remain a fantasy for quite some time.
27.8.07
Home
Home has so much on college.
1) Family - people I can have a halfway intelligent conversation with without expecting too much
2) Good food - Dosa and iddiyapam for dinner is never heard of here
3) Good weather - right now its about ten degrees cooler than Chennai
4) Friends - A lot of people from TISB - in this respect though college is better
5) Soooo much to do - Bangalore = paradise for just walking around and doing nothing
6) Entertainment - My iTunes is here - the most pleasingly eclectic collection of music anywhere and movies on the sometimes working big screen
7) My flesh and blood sister - to annoy and get on her nerves
8) Freedom - to come home after 9 and do pretty much whatever I want
9) Luxury - not to have my ears hurt by hearing incessant flow of Tamil and barely pronounced English
10) Just awesomer all together
3.8.07
Fixation
My new fixation: Not studying and seeing how far I can push it before starting for the exam.
23.5.07
Why Doctors are so $$$$$ Obsessed - A Justification
So back in the day when I was a young innocent child untroubled by the realities of life and unbuffeted by the winds of maddening stress I for some reason that will remain one of those sweet mysteries of life decided to become a doctor.
I vaguely recall that it might have had something to do with my love of physiology and my love of people and combine the two and bibatee bobatee boo there you have the shining knight of the modern day - the doctor. Plus there was the fact that I had my whole world..i.e. my parents - behind me saying - go apta we completely support your decision. (its so typical of what has been expected of you since you were a kid. your not throwing any surprises at us thank god. thank god this obstacle is over. for a moment there when you were five your insane obsession with barbies led us to think you'd be a hairdresser. this is an affirmation of our skill as parents. wOot!)
So now I'm well along the chosen path approaching the D-month of December where I will either crash and burn in pages and pages of mystifying and hitherto untouched pathology pharmacology microbiology and dreaded Forensic medicine or come sailing through as i've always done - damn i forgot what this sentence was supposed to be about.
OK Take 2 - essentially heres the deal. You come into med school especially if your not a doc brat like an innocent wide eyed guileless FREAK - expecting soo much from life. all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Halfway through first year you lose yourself in the oceans of slightly less than but definitely toxic formalin of the dissection hall and lose all sense of life other than exams exams exams. Then you come to second year and SHIT etc. - it hits you - you're going to be a DOCTOR - like the ones that you finally meet in the hospital. CRAP - what were you thinking. you have so much to learn and so little time. you must devote yourself to your chosen profession and work work work.
But then comes along that other distracting thing called the rest of world. You see 17 year Jordin Sparks having the time of her life and living out her dream on American Idol. AAAALLL your friends are taking semesters abroad and talk endlessly about their time in france, greece, italy, china etc. Facebook the ultimate evil - is a window into the lives of those chosen few. College! Why didn't i do that again??? The thought reverberates through your mind once its gotten hold and refuses to let go. whyyyyyyy????? Creative ideas course through your head especially on the eve of that big Hemat exam - but must all be suppressed. It takes a GREAT strength of mind that i doubt i have to balance medical school with other things. and a TREMENDOUS strength of mind to put on the blinders and jump into the see of textbooks with open arms. But it takes no strength of mind to want everything and do nothing. Go Figure.. Thats where i am.
And when you come out of this state of mind - you see whats left years and years of isolation and work. And then....yea okay essentially. Life = mini Shakespearean Tragedy - 5 acts or not i know not.
And for all this mental and emotional scarring suffering that we go through but eventually do come out of successful and knowing a lot though retarded in many ways - society should reward us with the one supposed ambrosia - thats right - $$$$$$$.
I don't know where I'm headed.....
I vaguely recall that it might have had something to do with my love of physiology and my love of people and combine the two and bibatee bobatee boo there you have the shining knight of the modern day - the doctor. Plus there was the fact that I had my whole world..i.e. my parents - behind me saying - go apta we completely support your decision. (its so typical of what has been expected of you since you were a kid. your not throwing any surprises at us thank god. thank god this obstacle is over. for a moment there when you were five your insane obsession with barbies led us to think you'd be a hairdresser. this is an affirmation of our skill as parents. wOot!)
So now I'm well along the chosen path approaching the D-month of December where I will either crash and burn in pages and pages of mystifying and hitherto untouched pathology pharmacology microbiology and dreaded Forensic medicine or come sailing through as i've always done - damn i forgot what this sentence was supposed to be about.
OK Take 2 - essentially heres the deal. You come into med school especially if your not a doc brat like an innocent wide eyed guileless FREAK - expecting soo much from life. all bright eyed and bushy tailed. Halfway through first year you lose yourself in the oceans of slightly less than but definitely toxic formalin of the dissection hall and lose all sense of life other than exams exams exams. Then you come to second year and SHIT etc. - it hits you - you're going to be a DOCTOR - like the ones that you finally meet in the hospital. CRAP - what were you thinking. you have so much to learn and so little time. you must devote yourself to your chosen profession and work work work.
But then comes along that other distracting thing called the rest of world. You see 17 year Jordin Sparks having the time of her life and living out her dream on American Idol. AAAALLL your friends are taking semesters abroad and talk endlessly about their time in france, greece, italy, china etc. Facebook the ultimate evil - is a window into the lives of those chosen few. College! Why didn't i do that again??? The thought reverberates through your mind once its gotten hold and refuses to let go. whyyyyyyy????? Creative ideas course through your head especially on the eve of that big Hemat exam - but must all be suppressed. It takes a GREAT strength of mind that i doubt i have to balance medical school with other things. and a TREMENDOUS strength of mind to put on the blinders and jump into the see of textbooks with open arms. But it takes no strength of mind to want everything and do nothing. Go Figure.. Thats where i am.
And when you come out of this state of mind - you see whats left years and years of isolation and work. And then....yea okay essentially. Life = mini Shakespearean Tragedy - 5 acts or not i know not.
And for all this mental and emotional scarring suffering that we go through but eventually do come out of successful and knowing a lot though retarded in many ways - society should reward us with the one supposed ambrosia - thats right - $$$$$$$.
I don't know where I'm headed.....
24.4.07
Rhetoric
The United Nations = Rhetoric.
Beautiful inspirational words that somehow got lost in their translation to action.
Beautiful inspirational words that somehow got lost in their translation to action.
22.4.07
the most important meal of the day
so i was wondering what a post without caps would look like. this is it it would seem.
eating a good breakfast really improves your day incredibly. today we went to green park and had breakfast - good stuff man. yumm.
ok thats it. valmiki nagar in the evening.
eating a good breakfast really improves your day incredibly. today we went to green park and had breakfast - good stuff man. yumm.
ok thats it. valmiki nagar in the evening.
11.4.07
Enough is Enough
I am so done with Chennai. And medical school. And having to be on my toes all the time. And the heat. And India.
I just want to go home. And don't even really know where that is.
I just want to go home. And don't even really know where that is.
18.3.07
Lust
Its all about the following things in my life....that are playing hard to get.
1) The HP Pavillion Laptop that they use at home
2) Bagels!!!!!!
3) A cord for the guitar
4) Voltage convertors
5) a non psychotic iPod
6) Peace of Mind
7) to see a Labor/LSCS at least once
8) to be able to run again
9) Swimming
10) Shorts
11) a chance to wear that LBD
12) Bagels!!!
13) Solitude
1) The HP Pavillion Laptop that they use at home
2) Bagels!!!!!!
3) A cord for the guitar
4) Voltage convertors
5) a non psychotic iPod
6) Peace of Mind
7) to see a Labor/LSCS at least once
8) to be able to run again
9) Swimming
10) Shorts
11) a chance to wear that LBD
12) Bagels!!!
13) Solitude
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So....I'm sick of India!!! I need to get the hell out as fast as I possibly can....but I really think there is no chance! *Sob*
Amazing how I want to wash my hands of an entire country, but I guess its because for the past year or two or four, chennai.hyderabad.bangalore has been india for me. The same people, the same faces, the same boring worthless conversations. Even coming home from school has lost its novelty. And don't even get me started on Chennai....
Its very difficult to relate to the vast majority of my peers at coll (then again it always has been....I'm just on a totally different wavelength than most other lol.) as most of them seem to have come from the Talibs in Afghanistan. Of course I smile, small talk and ask them how their day was, and we get along peachy keen (lol....Mr. max lives on) but thats just the surface. Nice people, but I just don't understand them. I mean these are kids who at certain unnamed class social events were surprised/angry/peeing in their pants because some of the boys couldn't hold their alcohol. Actually no, they were angry because there WAS alcohol in the first place. Grow the hell down! Stop moral policing, you can do that with your goddamn children when you're older.
Right....I'm done. Bangalore is slightly better, except for the fact that I know no one here.
Amazing how I want to wash my hands of an entire country, but I guess its because for the past year or two or four, chennai.hyderabad.bangalore has been india for me. The same people, the same faces, the same boring worthless conversations. Even coming home from school has lost its novelty. And don't even get me started on Chennai....
Its very difficult to relate to the vast majority of my peers at coll (then again it always has been....I'm just on a totally different wavelength than most other lol.) as most of them seem to have come from the Talibs in Afghanistan. Of course I smile, small talk and ask them how their day was, and we get along peachy keen (lol....Mr. max lives on) but thats just the surface. Nice people, but I just don't understand them. I mean these are kids who at certain unnamed class social events were surprised/angry/peeing in their pants because some of the boys couldn't hold their alcohol. Actually no, they were angry because there WAS alcohol in the first place. Grow the hell down! Stop moral policing, you can do that with your goddamn children when you're older.
Right....I'm done. Bangalore is slightly better, except for the fact that I know no one here.
7.3.07
CATS
No I'm not referring to that "amazing" Broadway musical (which my dad swears to have fallen asleep in) but my very own adopted home....THE HOSTEL!
So you'd think, that on a medical school campus, they'd understand the importance of keeping the living spaces of animals and humans separate....but NO! We share our hostel with an entire family of Cats. Felines. Meowers. Whatever....you get the point. So.....what the F!!!!
And not only do the cats live here, but they don't lead a quiet, sane, lazy, self-indulgent life as you'd expect them too, but they roam our halls throughout the day scavenging our garbage cans and leaving behind a trail of chicken bones. When walking back from a friend's room in the middle of the night you get the shock of your life when you suddenly see the stereotyped eyes glowing in the darkness. I don't know whether its paranoia, the heat messing with my thinking faculties or just the truth...these cats no longer travel alone. I only ever see them in twos or threes. Its like they've finally figured out safety in numbers. They sure as hell scare me.
Nothing more to say. My head hurts.
So you'd think, that on a medical school campus, they'd understand the importance of keeping the living spaces of animals and humans separate....but NO! We share our hostel with an entire family of Cats. Felines. Meowers. Whatever....you get the point. So.....what the F!!!!
And not only do the cats live here, but they don't lead a quiet, sane, lazy, self-indulgent life as you'd expect them too, but they roam our halls throughout the day scavenging our garbage cans and leaving behind a trail of chicken bones. When walking back from a friend's room in the middle of the night you get the shock of your life when you suddenly see the stereotyped eyes glowing in the darkness. I don't know whether its paranoia, the heat messing with my thinking faculties or just the truth...these cats no longer travel alone. I only ever see them in twos or threes. Its like they've finally figured out safety in numbers. They sure as hell scare me.
Nothing more to say. My head hurts.
It was the best of times....
I don't know what it is with all my references to literature....but I guess I'm just in one of those bored philosophical moods.
Today was an eventful day. One of those thats worth living. Lol. Actually every day is worth living. I don't know what I'm talking about. But thats okay. Stream of consciousness baby. Still want to read Kerouac's On the Road. Anyone out there read it?
Okay, enough for today. Avoir.
Today was an eventful day. One of those thats worth living. Lol. Actually every day is worth living. I don't know what I'm talking about. But thats okay. Stream of consciousness baby. Still want to read Kerouac's On the Road. Anyone out there read it?
Okay, enough for today. Avoir.
3.3.07
Everything is Not as it Seems
Okay. So here goes. The beginning. Of what i hope will be something useful. Unlike everything else in my life right now.
My blog is called The Upside of Everything....and it might be a misnomer, but generally thats the tide of my perspective on life. And Benign Indifference? For anyone who has read Albert Camus's The Stranger, a masterpiece in any sense of the word, they'll know exactly what I mean. Am I existentialist? I don't know. But I certainly feel like I'm waiting for......a Godot I guess. Yes in capital letters. So on that note....and because dinner calls. Toodles.
My blog is called The Upside of Everything....and it might be a misnomer, but generally thats the tide of my perspective on life. And Benign Indifference? For anyone who has read Albert Camus's The Stranger, a masterpiece in any sense of the word, they'll know exactly what I mean. Am I existentialist? I don't know. But I certainly feel like I'm waiting for......a Godot I guess. Yes in capital letters. So on that note....and because dinner calls. Toodles.
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